Man has fun while shopping!

"After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and Preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like Most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the Following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in Our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance Cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s
carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
Intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee To leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing Management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
Layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the Children
shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and Blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying And
screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a Mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he Asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming The
‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,Yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he Assumed
a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, Then
yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of The
clerks passed out.
"

Bathtime!

Watch any romance. The bath is warm and steamy, the bubbles are unbelievably abundant, covering the female star in rich luxuriousness. Not in real life!

Okay, so I admit that I'm not a huge bath fan/taker anyway. But still, what is the draw? I took a bath tonight because my muscles were screaming at me. I discovered the following:

1. My bathtub is too small. This causes me to have to tilt my head up on the wall, and then be forced to look at...my belly. NOT the most pleasant thing to look at. And NOT the most relaxing, soothing experience.

2. My bathtub is dirty. Well, at least I know how I'm getting my workout tomorrow!

3. While I did have amazing bubble bath solution, the bubbles were not bigger than my head, and did not cover every inch of me; especially the aforementioned belly. *sigh*

4. As soon as you lift yourself out of the warm, soothing water, you freeze. I even turned the heat up before going in, and closed the door to keep it all in. I froze. There goes the warm fuzzy feeling I had. You spend a relaxing time in the bath (if you can look at other things then yourself) and then have to scramble to get warm again!

5. Back to the movies. HOW does anyone read a book in the bath? I took a book in with me, but didn't even attempt to open it! I didn't' want to ruin my book!

I admit there were *few* good features of the bath.

1. I got a blog article out of it.

2. I smell good.

3. My skin is soft and smooth.

And that's about it. Do you love baths? What is your favorite product to use in the bath?

Those kids...

Don't you hate it when someone tells a joke that has to be explained? Well, I'm about to. Michael said the funniest thing at dinner tonight, but it requires some background. Sorry!

*We play the "Animal Game" in the car. Describe an animal, and the others guess it.
*We have 2 cats. A black/white cat, "Brigham", who is our lover cat. Then there is "Wednesday", part Siamese, who is our devil cat. Seriously.

Lately our game has turned into the following dialogue: prompted by McKenzie (3yr):
"It's (the animal to be guessed) black and white... nice...it is Brigham!!!" This is hilarious in itself, since she does either cat every time, and never lets us guess. Last night in the car, we did all Black and White animals, just to be funny.



So...fast forward to dinner tonight. Dad starts the game..."What's black and white..." Michael immediately thinks he'll be funny and shouts "Brigham!"

A few more guesses and laughs later, it's Dad's turn again. He starts to describe Wednesday.

"What is brown and white..."
"Brigham!!!" yells the kids.
"No...BROWN and white...and hisses when she gets mad."
Michael promptly responds: "MOM!"

Yeah... game over.